Shizou's Journal (Chapter 2) Zem under attack

[Ragna]

This history is from a no-player.Shizou was a fantastic character that saved Ragna in his main story,Ragna returned to see his village again alone,it was empty.The bodies were still there,so he made a grave for every body.After that,he gone to Shizou's house to leave some presents for him...He found a book called ,,The History of mine by Shizou"..Well,Ragna got the book and started reading.After reading chapter one,with many tears in his eyes,he continued in the second chapter named "Zem under attack".

Zem under attack

CHAPTER 2,PAGE 1
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When me and my comrades were going to pass to my village some anbu stopped us,one of them came in front of me and took a look at me,then he said that we are okay to pass...I was full of questions but they quickly ran away...When we arrived in the village I din't have time to waste,I ran into a Zemu (Zem's village police) and asked him about the anbu....He said we were under attack,I didn't know what to say,or to do.....I was going to ask many questions but then I thought that there's no time for them,I ran to my house to see if my family were,at
least,alive...

CHAPTER 2,PAGE 2
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When I got home I first saw my mother crying and hitting everything that was in front of her..There was my uncle too,he was trying to calm her down...When she saw me,she hugged me immediately...She said "I'm sorry...I'm really sorry.....IT WAS ALL MY FAULT" while she was crying...Me and my uncle tried to calm her down....after 5 minutes,when we were all calm,I asked her why she told me such a thing....then she lowered her head down and told me "I am the reason your dad is dead..." then I quickly stand up and and I said "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT...."I was shocked....I didn't know what happened..seconds after my mother explained me the whole story..this is what she told me...

CHAPTER 2,PAGE 3
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"Me and your father got a mission to look around the village for the enemy.We find a little base in a cave and we immediately went in.After some seconds of walking we find a room,we got in and saw some battle injured shinobi from our village locked in a cage...Only one was alive,your uncle...He saw us and he told us to run away quickly but me and your father wanted to get them out,so I ran to smash the cage.I broke 3 columns so your uncle could get outside..when he got outside 3 of our enemies got in our way...Your uncle were gravely injured and couldn't fight and I had to protect him...Your father went in front of us and told us to get away while he was fighting them...I didn't want to leave him,and I couldn't...I didn't know what to do...Then your father said "IF YOU STAY HERE LOOKING AT ME YOU AND MY BROTHER WILL DIE TOO,IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HELP HERE,GO BACK TO THE VILLAGE AND BRING HELP"...I ran away with your uncle and left your father alone...When we arrived in the village we immediately went to the anbu station for help...We went back in the base's place fast...but...but the cave wasn't there...The anbu searched the place....I felt like I killed my husband...I felt like I did nothing but running away from a person that needs help....."

WELL
This is it for chapter two,tell me what you think.


 : Shizou Zeimatsu :

[Toratsume Nyshn]

To Start with, I'd like it better if the book was called something simpler yet cool. For eg. "SHIZOU'S JOURNAL''
Or
"Diary (Shizou _________)

Something simple and catchy.

The chapters are well written.

..Your uncle were hardly injured and couldn't fight and I had to protect him...

"Hardly injured" implies he was not much injured.
A hardly injured person can fight easily without any problem.
I'd suggest you change the word 'Hardly' to gravely , or any synonym of that.

Good read though

[Ragna]

Thank you for the suggestions and the correction,I'd like to change the tittle to Shizou's journal but could I do it after 2 chapters,what do you think?

[mamita]

Couldn't hurt.

[Ragna]

changed ;p