g

[BenzashiKun]

g

[Suroshi]

Welcome to SLO. Hope you enjoy the game.

[DarthTyrael]

Decent, though somewhat cliché superb student outclasses everyone story.

One thing I noticed and what made me rather sad - I'd prefer to see either a lookalike image from any other site instead of seeing someone literally using someone else's character appearance.

Edit -
Unless you grabbed it from another site, which after posting this, seems more likely. (Heard the art was taken from different sites already, which I thought wasn't the case)
- end edit

Other than that, welcome to SLO.

Spoiler: show

*reading threw-> reading through

[BenzashiKun]

thanks,even tho everything here was pretty much on the go,im gonna take some time later and rewrite the story,almost completely,thanks,and about the img,i put it on imagr to get the link so..did not even know,ill change it dont worry,and i did not even know the other persons post excisted with the same character ;p

Edit: story has been rewriten

[Suroshi]

Also just throwing this outhere you can use a simple basic creator to design your OC's looks with...

https://hapuriainen.deviantart.com/art/Naruto-character-creator-128745915


I also create 3D OC images with the help of IMVU and a basic idea of people's OC.
here some examples of that if interested.

https://www.shinobilifeonline.com/index.php?topic=3433.msg58464#msg58464


^__^ Welcome to the game hope to see you in game soon.

[BenzashiKun]

hm...will do!Thanks man!But the : Create your own shinobi '' thing doesnt really look good to me...soz...

[Toratsume Nyshn]

Heya welcome to SLO.
It was a good character story, a bit overdone in some places and some possible errors (maybe)
Got some suggestions you can use to improvise the story

sun of the Tsukinami clans co leader,Kenotama.

*son

Benzashi DASHED to flare with sonic speed and Punched him in the face with all of his might.Automaticly,Benzashi won that round,

*Automatically.
Also, I'd like to know how he won the round automatically. Did he knock the opponent out? Did he kill him?
A punch at sonic speed could easily kill. Not only that, it could leave your hand in tatters (unless you use some kind of chakra enhancement/ protection)

Tarik was jelous of all the power Benzashi had so he stole a kage scroll,learning hidden tehniques such as the multi clone jutsu and the rasengan,even tho he cant do it well,so he challenged Benzashi to a fight.

It would be better if you re-word rasengan and chidori or any jutsu which is / could be possibly a copyright of Naruto. 

so he DASHED IN towards the water prison,but as soon as he hit the prison,Tarik turned into a log.IT WAS A CLONE!

Okay so log is a common object used in substituition jutsu. Shadow clones usually just vanish on being damaged.
What you have described won't be possible; unless the clone itself was using substituition.
And idk if clones can survive inside a water prison.

Benzashi fought Tarik with His water/thunder explosion shrunken in his hand,

*Shuriken?


It was good to read a char history. Especially since not many are popping up these days :3
Good luck and welcome (once again )

[BenzashiKun]

Oh,thanks for pointing those things out!I didnt have time to re-read it,the errors will be fixed as soon as i can ! 

[DarthTyrael]

Oh,thanks for pointing those things out!I didnt have time to re-read it,the errors will be fixed as soon as i can ! 

Leave it up to @Toratsume Nyshn to point everything out. Damn Nazi

There's no rush, take your time.

P.S.

Spoiler: show

If you want your character's name to be clickable on the forum, place this in your profile's Character Name slot:

[url=https://www.shinobilifeonline.com/index.php?topic=3460]Benzashi Tsukinami[/url]

___________

If you want some nice colors to it:

[b][glow=black,2,300][color=#<AnyHexColor>][url=https://www.shinobilifeonline.com/index.php?topic=3460]Benzashi Tsukinami[/url]

___________

Just use google for some hex colors and their respective codes.

[BenzashiKun]

Note taken c;

[BenzashiKun]

Its been a while since i've came to the forums. I feel like a rewrite of the story is due,since i've gotten more ideas,and the Character Seems stale. Will be edited soon.