Thoughts without reason

[adithya]

Sadness and melancholy:

What are these feelings really?
I personally don’t quite know. Are they essential? Are they inherent? Are they the child of a situation that you are placed in? Are they the outcome of a certain incident?

Or are they just present?
Do these feelings exist because of reasons unknown to man?

I am sad.

You may ask me, why?

If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn’t be writing this.
I just am.
As sadness exists, so does my feeling it.

None of this makes sense to you, I know.

But what if it didn’t have to?

What if there needn’t be structure to anything?

What if the reason to sadness is this structure to which one has to adhere to?

What if the reason to experiencing sadness is the inability to meet expectations? Not of other’s, but of yourself?
Not set for yourself, but set for others?
What happens when man is betrayed?
   Should he have expected it?
What if man betrays?
   Did the person on the receiving end deserve it?

I digress.

Sadness: a useless emotion.
Sadness: the purest emotion after rage.
Sadness: the only emotion to counter ecstasy 

How does sadness help you?

I have no clue.

I know how it’s helping me though: I am motivated to write something, no matter how shitty.

I stare at a screen almost 20 hours a day. Be it my computer, my phone, the television or the brilliant plays that unfold before everyone’s eyes, where you are forced to take part.

You needn’t have chosen it, but you just are. You play the part which is forced upon you.
You may hate the play, but, ultimately, it is you who is the director.
It is you, who is the actor.
It is you, who is the side character.
It is you, who is the interpreter.
It is you, who is in complete control.
It is you, who is in utter chaos.

But the real problem arises, when the first three words from me are followed up with the fourth one from you.
It is you.
Who?
Who are you?
Who is you?
Who am I?

When your answer to this cannot go past ‘My name is Adithya Dananjay’, you need to start pondering your existence.
 Sure: I’m good at something- well, I’m pretty go- I AM better than mos-
When you start to become unsure of yourself.

When you find it so hard to list out something you know you are amazing at, something you know no one can beat you at, something at which you are next only to you in the next few minutes, you know something’s not right.

It IS possible to live with the feeling of never being the best at something; never being unique.
But what kind of life is that? One where you are treated like dirt? One where you are the background character in the play, never offered the position of Romeo OR Juliet? One where Shakespeare would brush you off as fodder for the scene?

Let me ask you: Would you really be okay with leading such a life?
Never getting to be at the center stage, always taken to the edge. Always left hanging. Listening to Moonlight Sonata, writing a super edgy millennial ‘oh I’m so depressed give me attention’ arti- paragraph?

I certainly wouldn’t. I don’t believe you would either.

But the truth is

We’re all the side character in every other person’s story. We’re the supporting cast in someone’s romance, someone’s thriller, someone else’s story.

But doesn’t that make all of us the main characters of our own story?

Sure it does.

But the difference is:
You are the main character of a story that no one will glance towards a second time.

Do you feel sad for me? Or do you find your life condensed down in one line?

Either way: If I’ve not murdered your puppies or done something equally fucking evil, you probably feel sad, or at least not ecstatic.
So why did I want to make you sad?
To bring you to the point I started to make in the beginning.

Is this feeling essential? Would you be more satisfied if you hadn’t felt sad?

I don’t know how I feel right now. I don’t know if I feel anything at all. After all, you aren’t real. Yes, that’s right. Everyone I imagined would be reading this. You’re all in my mind reading this, but you never will.
I never planned on actually sending this out to you.
I’ve wanted many people to feel sad in the time I’ve been alive in this world, but when feeling the way you might if you read this, I’ve decided that I don’t want you to feel this way.

This might not be sadness, but it sure as hell isn’t something I’d like anyone to feel.
So what could this be, then? Loneliness? Jealousy? What if it’s nothing?
What if, this is: to feel ‘numb’?
After four pages in word, I give up. I can’t chase after the meaning for this anymore. I’ve accepted that it’s just a new feeling: When I don’t want to watch another episode of that show, when I couldn’t give less of a shit about a person whom I would have called a best friend, when I could live without seeing the face of everyone I care about, when I could just stare at the screen all day long, without a change in expression, when I don’t have to look at the keyboard or the screen to type any longer, when I just let my fingers do the rest.

I hate feeling this way.

There is no reason.

There is nothing to help me get out of this but time.

There is no permanent fix.

I will feel this way once again, at the slightest remark, at the slightest look, at the slightest expression of discontentment, and at the slightest criticism.

I do see many reasons to live on, though. To get through this period to get to enjoy watching the next episode, to look at the faces of the people I love, to help out someone who needs a favor.

So I know I will let this go eventually, but like I said: I will feel this way once again.

But the real test is to see how I handle myself in the moments I do not feel this way. How I live my life to the fullest when I have motivation to get up from this chair and go outside this house.

But what happens when I find the triggers outside? What happens if I step outside my comfort zone? I’ve been shut inside a room for the past month and a half. I’ve been feeling this way for the past year.

Solidarity has changed nothing, and I know that being a face in the crowd changes nothing either, and neither does trying to be a part of a smaller group.

Rejection and hate are only natural in this life. Shakespeare will reject me every time I ask him for a major part in the play till he deems me worthy. So I will strive towards achieving this ideal.

So to my fellow people who feel like shit for no reason: go listen to Filthy frank’s music or to Mozart. Both have equal outcomes. Both have made want to write, made me want to feel like this, and made me shake my head in slow motion as I immerse myself in the soft and hard keys of Mozart and the ear shattering pink season album (probably for very different reasons).
Or if neither helps you, suck it up and wait for it to pass (Whatever the fuck ‘it’ is) and stare at the whites of your screens till it does. Because when it does, and it will, you finally have a chance to change the things that made you feel this way. Get through all the tears which may engulf you for reasons that may not exist, and get through, which is what I’m hoping to do.




P.S: lemme know if you feel this way too, let’s feel like shit together.
P.P.S: I’m fine, nothing to worry about.
P.P.P.S: Ignore the random change in writing style and other shit mistakes. I was never paying attention.

[Blazefp]

No way I'm reading all of this

[PacificWOLF]

am i the only one who is too lazy to read all that XD

[adithya]

No way I'm reading all of this

I didn't really ask anyone to .-. I just posted this here in case someone was feeling the same way I was and didn't want to feel alone. And, you'd rather take the time to comment on this post, saying something that adds literally nothing to the post?

Why?

I seriously want to know.

am i the only one who is too lazy to read all that XD

lol you literally created an account to say the exact dumb shit the previous guy said. What was the point?


If you think that it's too long to read then don't, but don't make a stupid ass comment about it.

Also: Don't make an account to make said stupid ass comment.

There are certainly better things you can do, like reading whatever the fuck I wrote.

[NinjaMirage]

2 things adithya
First I didn't finish reading this because it was extremely long. It sounds like your searching for somthing that you likely not find here on this forum. In fact I doubt you'll find it on a electronic device. No one here is qualified to give advice on any topic you discussed. I am impressed that you took the time to try and put in to words somthing that is largely ineffable.
But somthing so complex is not likely to get a large response on a forum designed for entertainment perposes.

Second because the title is not obvious to the subject matter and the subject Matter is so long you can't really feel surprised that the largely immature people on this forum make jokes about somthing that is obviously a serious subject.

[adithya]

2 things adithya
First I didn't finish reading this because it was extremely long. It sounds like your searching for somthing that you likely not find here on this forum. In fact I doubt you'll find it on a electronic device. No one here is qualified to give advice on any topic you discussed. I am impressed that you took the time to try and put in to words somthing that is largely ineffable.
But somthing so complex is not likely to get a large response on a forum designed for entertainment perposes.

Second because the title is not obvious to the subject matter and the subject Matter is so long you can't really feel surprised that the largely immature people on this forum make jokes about somthing that is obviously a serious subject.

I'd like to thank you for a reply which actually adds to the topic.

To be clear: I never wanted/expected a response. I was never planning to post this till I actually clicked on SLO to check the site for updates.

 The only reason why I posted it here was because someone whose thoughts were similar to mine might read it and could feel like they're not alone in their thoughts, not because I wanted someone to read this and go 'yo man you okay?'

Also, joking and shitposting are two different things. and the second guy literally made an account just to make his comment. I was just pointing out how his time could've been spent better.

Finally, thoughts without reason is exactly what I've talked about. Feeling a certain way without a specific trigger or cause.

I understand how it wont sit well in a site like this, my bad. I just wanted to put into words the different shit that was going through my head man, I became salty when other people didn't respect it.

[Reminance]

Snoopy posted something a while ago as well and i could relate to that at the time, so i can see where you are coming from with the post @adithya

[Blazefp]

No way I'm reading all of this

I didn't really ask anyone to .-. I just posted this here in case someone was feeling the same way I was and didn't want to feel alone. And, you'd rather take the time to comment on this post, saying something that adds literally nothing to the post?

Why?

I seriously want to know.

Because you need to realize that this is a community for a game that didn't even came out yet, not a psychology center for melancholic Indian teenagers. Don't expect people to read a book on why you're felling down this week, why would I or anyone want to do that? Empathy? A teenager on the other side of the world is feeling sad, how original! Surely I'll take my time to answer!
Wanna bounce ideas? Friends are a much more realistic way of doing it, things written here might sound really logical but nothing assures you they'll work irl or even in your culture whatever it may be. If you don't have friends go do something, get into a sport or a book club or anything and talk to people.

I'm not saying that we should only post about SLO here, but this is exactly what almost every teenager in the world goes through sooner or later (hormones say hi) and if we all came advertising our problems online this forum would be flooded with these stories.

That's why I took my time answering, so that 1st you or anyone reading this wouldn't make the same mistake again and 2nd so you wouldn't expect anyone to give you the answer to your problems, especially not on a community in which the avg age is probably 15...and is a community around what's basically a life simulation in a different universe, everyone here is in a way trying to escape their own lives already....

If you got personal problems either deal with them, look for help IRL (friends, family, etc) or what a movie/series. Don't stand idle in front of a pc looking for help from strangers.

PS: Re-reading my post it might seem like I'm mad, but I'm quite chill, some things just need to be said without filters...

[adithya]

Snoopy posted something a while ago as well and i could relate to that at the time, so i can see where you are coming from with the post @adithya

Thanks man

Because you need to realize that this is a community for a game that didn't even came out yet, not a psychology center for melancholic Indian teenagers. Don't expect people to read a book on why you're felling down this week, why would I or anyone want to do that? Empathy? A teenager on the other side of the world is feeling sad, how original! Surely I'll take my time to answer!
Wanna bounce ideas? Friends are a much more realistic way of doing it, things written here might sound really logical but nothing assures you they'll work irl or even in your culture whatever it may be. If you don't have friends go do something, get into a sport or a book club or anything and talk to people.

I'm not saying that we should only post about SLO here, but this is exactly what almost every teenager in the world goes through sooner or later (hormones say hi) and if we all came advertising our problems online this forum would be flooded with these stories.

That's why I took my time answering, so that 1st you or anyone reading this wouldn't make the same mistake again and 2nd so you wouldn't expect anyone to give you the answer to your problems, especially not on a community in which the avg age is probably 15...and is a community around what's basically a life simulation in a different universe, everyone here is in a way trying to escape their own lives already....

If you got personal problems either deal with them, look for help IRL (friends, family, etc) or what a movie/series. Don't stand idle in front of a pc looking for help from strangers.

PS: Re-reading my post it might seem like I'm mad, but I'm quite chill, some things just need to be said without filters...

Refer to my answer to Ninjamirage's comment.

This was not 'therapy' for me. I didn't want someone to talk to, and frankly, I don't see what me being an Indian, a teenager or coming from a different culture has to do with this post not being on the appropriate platform.

It really is sad how unfortunately wrong you are, telling me how I'm wrong for posting what you perceive to be some random Indian teen finally meeting hormones, when I was trying to potentially help someone else from feeling isolated(even if said someone else is a teen meeting hormones or not).

There were posts which I quite enjoyed reading:

is god real, basics of bj etc, which are obviously not for a website littered with users averaging at around 15 year olds, which were talked about and discussed ( as they should be [yes, even the BJ one. It was awesome] )

But someone about whom you know two things posts something that on the outside looks like every teen's hormone raging mind?

oMG hOw oRiGinaL! lOl wElkUm 2 laif.


Honestly, the only one who has made a 'mistake' is you, not having understood what the fuck I had talked about, instead decided to call me out for being a

'melancholic Indian teenager' and saying oooooo i said some shit, but I dun rly mean it lyk dat, iz juz u nid 2 haer eet cuz laif wnt giv u a brk, thinking somehow that'll make me interpret your miserably uninformed post any different.


P.S: I paraphrased what you said in a comedic manner, because I was- well, pretty pissed. I'd love it if you understood the point of me posting what I did, instead of still assuming it's cause I want attention, and the whole "We've all been through this, you're not a special snowflake you dumb millennial Indian teen" and actually posted something of value, that might bring the reader a different perspective on the topic discussed.

 

[Manuster]

Damn this was long...

What if the reason to sadness is this structure to which one has to adhere to?

When your answer to this cannot go past ‘My name is Adithya Dananjay’, you need to start pondering your existence.

Those 2 parts really got to me.....random but cool

and if we all came advertising our problems online this forum would be flooded with these stories.

it's neither a story or a problem lmao  u legit said u didnt read it

[Blazefp]

@adithya  That's a pretty childish response, resorting half of your post to making fun of my words and the other half triggering because I said "Indian teenager" and talked about different cultures... You could have done all that in just a couple of paragraphs easy with proper arguments...

I'm starting to find it upsetting that I need to justify every single word in my posts here.

You posted saying you're sad for no reason at all and don't want help from anyone here, good for you, but it's still a cry for help no matter what you tell yourself and guess what fuels that? Are you upset that we humans are that basic that a simple hormonal change (read chemical reaction) can shape our feelings? Well too bad, we are those chemical reactions. Robots ran by chemistry instead of electricity. Teenagers are just more prone to said hormonal changes that mess up their feelings for biological reasons that I don't wish to discuss. But I digress.
You wanted a train of thoughts, I gave you my thought on the matter on the very first post, you might not like it but you can't really complain.

As for getting triggered about culture thingy, have you ever set foot off India? I'm not being racist, just realistic, if I have a social problem in Portugal I know exactly how to act and which options I have but if I go to Germany for instance things are a bit different, even more in Japan or India.
So yeah you'll get a soup of "thoughts", each maybe making sense in one culture but being completely rubbish in another and that's assuming everyone here is the same age which they aren't and answers honestly which they don't, hence rendering all the effort you took writing that wall of text pointless.

[adithya]

Damn this was long...

What if the reason to sadness is this structure to which one has to adhere to?

When your answer to this cannot go past ‘My name is Adithya Dananjay’, you need to start pondering your existence.

Those 2 parts really got to me.....random but cool

and if we all came advertising our problems online this forum would be flooded with these stories.

it's neither a story or a problem lmao  u legit said u didnt read it

Lmao yeah, I just wrote till I felt better.

That was my hope in posting this. (not writing it. I wrote it for me)

@adithya  That's a pretty childish response, resorting half of your post to making fun of my words and the other half triggering because I said "Indian teenager" and talked about different cultures... You could have done all that in just a couple of paragraphs easy with proper arguments...

I'm starting to find it upsetting that I need to justify every single word in my posts here.

You posted saying you're sad for no reason at all and don't want help from anyone here, good for you, but it's still a cry for help no matter what you tell yourself and guess what fuels that? Are you upset that we humans are that basic that a simple hormonal change (read chemical reaction) can shape our feelings? Well too bad, we are those chemical reactions. Robots ran by chemistry instead of electricity. Teenagers are just more prone to said hormonal changes that mess up their feelings for biological reasons that I don't wish to discuss. But I digress.
You wanted a train of thoughts, I gave you my thought on the matter on the very first post, you might not like it but you can't really complain.

As for getting triggered about culture thingy, have you ever set foot off India? I'm not being racist, just realistic, if I have a social problem in Portugal I know exactly how to act and which options I have but if I go to Germany for instance things are a bit different, even more in Japan or India.
So yeah you'll get a soup of "thoughts", each maybe making sense in one culture but being completely rubbish in another and that's assuming everyone here is the same age which they aren't and answers honestly which they don't, hence rendering all the effort you took writing that wall of text pointless.

"I'm starting to find it upsetting that I need to justify every single word in my posts here."

Yeah, sucks doesn't it?


And again, you've COMPLETELY misinterpreted or just looking for spite. And I still stand by being butthurt because you had to bring up the fact that I was Indian and somehow being so is one of the factors for the way I feel. All I asked you was: what the fuck does that have to do with being sad for no reason.

"You might not like it but you can't really complain"
 Well, I agree with you. Chemical reactions=change in mood. Teenagers more prone.

But my entire "wall of post" as you've so exquisitely put it, was in hopes of pondering a more philosophical thought. It was not a biology question that I could've gotten the answer to from a 10 year old, but something that was going through my head, which I decided to articulate in the best form that I was able to conjure.

And again, what the fuck does my ethnicity have to do with my thoughts?
 I have "set foot outside of my country", but what does that have to do with anything? Nowhere in my "wall of text" have I said

"My parents said I can't go out with my friends so I hate them. What do I do, I hate my life. If only I was living in Japan I wouldn't have to deal with this bs. Right other teens? Plz help me."

What I've written is not meant FOR anyone specifically. It's not meant specifically for people on this forum. I didn't write this thinking "yeah, gars or banu will read this, let me say something that will trigger a response because oh yeah, I love all that attention."

Like I said earlier, I never expected, not did I want a response to my post. All I needed to know, was that if someone feeling the same way as I do comes across this post (seeing as how it's on a public platform ) might connect to it and be able to relate, leading to them feeling a little better.

Thus, my "wall of text" is not pointless, seeing as how it might help at the very least me at a later date, if not someone who might come across this post feeling lost

If you had properly read my reply to you, not letting all the italics and the bold words get to your head, you'd have realized how fruitless making a third post would've been.

I would recommend completely understanding a piece of information, or at the very least fully reading a piece of information, or comment, or in my case "a wall of text" before publicizing your poorly informed opinions.






I won't be surprised if all you can think of is that I took offense at your comment at my post and that I need to grow up. (yeah. I'm talking about the wall of text thing)

[Leebz]

Next level of shitposting ayyyyy. Let's just write as we think until we use up the character limit so the length makes it look less shitpost-esque.

Jk. Sorry you felt sad.

[DarthTyrael]

1.

No way I'm reading all of this

Then don't bother replying with such an useless post. Just avoid the topic if you're most likely never going to contribute in it.

2.
@Blazefp Though I prefer no filters, in case of making your point clear to someone who's in touch with there emotions you'd best be off using filters. I'm pointing out the 'making your point clear' part because you're not here to empathize.
Also, please refrain from generalizing 'teenage sadness'. Yes, most of them will be due to hormones, but some people may have actual problems in there personal life (e.g. domestic violence, sexual abuse, etc.) and though they may not seek out help directly, this could be a way to do it (i.e. venting out).

3.
@adithya No need to be that aggressive. He's basically saying the same as NinjaMirage (You'll not find your answers here. Seek comfort with friends, go out, live life. Experience it and you'll find the knowledge), but more in a jockey kind of way (or military, however you'd prefer. Just harsher, no filters.)

4.
In regards to your post.
- What is the meaning of life?

To live is to overcome. To endure and experience the good and the bad times, sharing them and passing them on. To evolve - as individuals and as a species.

- Is there a reason for our existence?

Chance.

- Why am I sad/scared?

Most likely you feel like your life is a prison, yet you feel like every opportunity to leave you missed or every attempt failed - most likely due to fear. Just remember - the greatest moments of bliss are hidden behind moments of true terror.

Example:
Maybe you are scared trying to get a date with a girl, becoming sad when you see her talking to some other guy, laughing and playing with her hair. You think you missed your shot with her.

If in this scenario you muster up the courage and face your fears of talking to her, you'll find bliss. Either she is taken (in which case, you have full closure), she is not taken and likes to date you (in which case, you're extremely happy) or she's not taken and does not like to date with you (in which case, you will have closure again).

TL;DR

Blazefp, please be more gentle. Not anyone may get the point you're trying to give if you're not using filters. Adithya, please be less aggressive. He's basically saying the same thing as NinjaMirage, just in a less gentle manner.

------

There's no real explanation for 'why' we're here, other than chance. Surely, there may be some beautiful poetic explanation of why human's are superior above everything else and that we must ascend beyond the physical planes to become demi-gods ourselves but, just no. It's just chance.

Giving the fact humans exist due to chance, take your chances (i.e. opportunities) whenever they arise.

[Blazefp]

@adithya Damn you really got stuck at the word Indian did you? It's clear now that the more I try to explain, the more things you find for me to explain, pretty shitposting-ish if you ask me, so before we're both writing walls of text again I'll stop, for everyone else's sake...right after this post (damn it, can't control myself). Feel free to pm me though

I said "melancholic indian teenager" for 2 reasons, I was hoping you'd get at least one of them. 1st a more specific idea, no matter if it's relevant, makes people sound smarter and 2nd shows that I took time to look up your profile, that's how strongly I felt about the argument, much like the guy that created an account just to shitpost. One may argue he didn't shitpost, he just felt so strongly about not reading your post that he actually took the effort to create an account just to let you know but whatevs, digressing again.

I've answered you on pretty much everything else. The culture thingy, again, your thoughts on sadness might be relevant to you or to someone within your culture but are completely and utterly useless to pretty much everyone else here (see what I did there again with the 2 synonyms?). Everyone experiences a personal feeling such as sadness in its own way, that goes double if they come from different cultures which you don't know about since we're all just pixels on computer screens, goes quadruple if they're different ages and goes infinitely more if people don't even try to be honest. So yeah what I'm trying to say is in such personal matters what's right/makes sense for you (aka thought) doesn't necessarily make sense for someone else ergo pointless post.



@DarthTyrael FINALLY, someone that understands me and writes As for 2. ofc what I said doesn't apply to teens with actual problems, but those people know what their problems are, they don't write in pre-game forums "I'm sad, idk why though", that's pretty much the definition of weird hormonal behavior. That is assuming he's not hiding anything ofc, then again if he is then the whole post loses sense again.
I'm usually more gentle with these matters but when someone feels so strongly about something virtual you should cut it off asap, create that shock feeling so he thinks twice before wasting that much time and effort ya' know.