SLO Filler Arc #1: Mars the Kidkage

[America]

Episode 1: No Ramen For The Wicked

“What are we doing here again?” Fulvius and Hooke had just arrived in Okagakure after two long days of travel.
“O, brother mine! Do you not see the children playing in the streets? The flowers blooming in the fields? O, brother mine! The festivities Illumi-”
“Right. Kuria’s Kage celebration.” Fulvius interrupted him, answering his own question. Hooke looked defeated, having had his monologue interrupted.

A set of eyes peered from a nearby alley.
“My fuhrer, the nut-jobs from the Hidden Metal have arrived, my fuhrer.”
“Yes, yes. Good observation skills, young one.”
“My Fuhrikage, their leader looks angry. What measures do we take, mein fuhrer?”
“We must raise taxes by 10%! Our border with them must be reinforced. The ocean is only so wide, you know.”
“Genius thinking, Lord Fuhrikage. We must return to the village immediately to prepare for their pending invasion.”
“Exactly my thoughts, unterführer. Let the annals of history never speak of our unpreparedness for war, my-”

“What are you goons doing in the dumpster?” Fulvius and Hooke had reached the alley in which the Yukikage and his elder were plotting.
“Mein fuhrer, the enemy seems to have spotted us. What course of action must we take?” Chikai whispered to her Kage.
“We first must execute the traitors that led them to us!” Kuro stood up, vaulted out of the dumpster and fled.
“You will pay for this intrusion!” Chikai followed her Kage’s lead. Halfway down the alley, she turned and ran back to the dumpster. She reached for a piece of paper that had “Yukigakure Secret Hideout” scribbled on it hastily. Chikai tore it off and ran away. Fulvius noticed it had covered a bright yellow sign that read “CAUTION. DO NOT PLAY IN THE DUMPSTER.”




 “Where the hell did you get that?” Fulvius snatched a fork from Hooke’s hand. His chopsticks sat idle next to the bowl of ramen.
“I brought it with me from the Metal…” He muttered, seemingly ashamed.
“You don't know how to use chopsticks?”
Hooke ignored the question, instead deciding to pull out a second fork.
“How fucking deprived are you?” Fulvius shook his head and returned to his own ramen.

“You boys are from the Hidden Metal?” A deep voice loomed in the air. Fulvius looked over his shoulder towards the speaker. It came from a tall man with dark brown hair covered by the hat of a Kage. If the color scheme of his robe and hat didn't give away his identity, the word “Dust” written on it certainly did.
“Lord Hokorikage.” Fulvius stood up and bowed before the man.
“Errr…”  Hayame was confused on what title to use. He couldn’t care less about the politics of the Hidden Metal and/or who held what title.
“Lord Raimei.” He tipped his Kage hat smoothly. Fulvius looked past the Hokorikage at the group of Dust Shinobi bumping a small dust tornado around outside, attempting to keep it in the circle they formed.
Suddenly, the Yukikage burst through the door, muttering about dust savages and their barbaric games. His entourage of Snow Shinobi stood outside in a strict line behind Chikai.

“Table for eight, good kind sir.” Kuro said to the man behind the counter which Fulvius and Hooke sat at.
“Excuse me, Yukikage, I believe the Hidden Dust arrived here first.” Hayame said calmly. Fulvius patted Hooke’s left arm twice, their subtle sign for “let's fuckin dip before this shitstorm turns into a shit-hurricane.”

Kuro put on a puzzled look, turning towards the Ennia brothers, who were casually strolling to the back exit.
“Fulvius, my guy, could you help me out here?” He started. “You see, I'm not an inbred troglodyte and I can't understand this ape banging rocks and ooking around. It seems to be a commonality within that Dust village -- do you think you could maybe translate for me?”

Hayame’s chakra erupted, becoming visible as a sandy brown cloak. He spoke in a deep, commanding voice.
“Speak ill of my people again and-”

“AND YOU’LL WHAT?!” Kuro’s chakra flared up in the same fashion, taking on a light blue color instead.
“I WILL FUCK YOU UP!” The Yukikage yelled boisterously over the enormous noise their chakra made as it stirred up the atmosphere, splintering the wood floors along with nearby objects.

The usual signs signifying sage mode for Hayame, red lines on the face and white hair, began to sprout. Kuro didn’t need sage mode; he simply increased the intensity of his chakra, completely shattering the floor underneath him and exploding the chairs closest to him. A man in a dark robe placed a hand on the shoulder of each Kage.

“No such violence will occur.” Both Kage settled down immediately, perhaps due to a suppressing jutsu by the newcomer.
“We are here to honor a friend, not start a war.” Fulvius could recognize that man anywhere; the stoic Kaminarikage, with his glowing red eyes, was quite the sight to behold. Fulvius wiped the sweat off his face and turned to look at Hooke, who seemed unfazed. He held the bowl of ramen in his left hand, noisily slurping noodles. How the meal remained in the bowl and Fulvius’ sword didn’t stay in its sheath was a mystery, but alas, it had.

Fulvius wove hand signs in his right hand and fixed his cloak with his left. He drew the immediate attention of all three kages once the jutsu was cast -- they could sense the chakra being expent. A coil of lightning extended from his wrist and grasped onto the handle of his sword. It pulled the saber from the wall and returned it to its sheath. It was possibly one of the most awkward moments he had experienced. All three kage watched the jutsu slowly run its course while he stood there, wide eyed.

“Uh… Good day, l-lads.” Fulvius awkwardly threw a bag of coins onto the counter, bowed once again and hastily walked out the back door with Hooke in tow. The three kage muttered something inaudible back and turned to the owner of the store.

Reminance spoke up first. “I’ll take the biggest table you’ve got.”
“I second his request.”
“As do I.”

The shopkeeper gulped and opened his mouth to speak, with obvious regret for what he was about to say.
“Our t-tables have been… booked, per say. I’m sorry gentlemen, but I’ve got no r-room for all yer shinobi.” As if on queue, Satoru and Yokiro Nii strolled into the shop, followed by around a dozen Hidden Haze shinobi. The three Kage were absolutely stupefied; they had all just been countered by what they considered a village in the middle of nowhere, for nobody and at no time to be acknowledged.

“......yeeeaaaaah......” Kuro muttered. He looked towards the other Kage, who were embarrassedly playing with their hair and fixing their clothes.
“You all wanna go hit up a bar?” Hayame suggested. Reminance and Kuro muttered their approval, and together, the shinobi shuffled out of the ramen shop.

[sirpaul]

BOOOORIIIING


jk love you <3

[Ken]

Nice, loved it Thanks for including me in the first chapter.

[Reminance]

Fuhrerkages sind toll
On-topic it was an awesome read, hope you continue these fillers

[adithya]

Lol yeah. It was a good read. Gj

[Diamond Lee]

Simply hilarious! I actually laughed out loud once lol


I want to keep seeing these!

Gg


Lol fampo wtf

[Raidnn]

loved it. good read. 10/10 gr8 r8 m8

[Manuster]

lmaaaaaaaooo yukikiage was the most realisti by far xD

chikai and the crazy ass nazis

[Yamasukage]

“What are you goons doing in the
dumpster?” Fulvius and Hooke
had reached the alley in which
the Yukikage and his elder were
plotting.

The beginning of all laughter, I couldn't contain myself after here XD

Great job America XD

[America]

Episode 2: Snooping Around

Takumi sat on the bridge which linked the main village grounds to the arena; a normal day for him. Well, not so much. He was supposed to be watching the area of water in between the Kage building and the arena, but the Kage’s Inauguration Ceremony wasn’t for another five days and he couldn’t be bothered. He kicked the water, splashing it around obnoxiously. Hopefully these long days would come to an end under the new Kage. Takumi had been in the room when he discussed a plan for patrolling the ceremony.


“Lord Kuria, would you prefer to set the patrols at your ceremony yourself?” The Elder asked. Kuria smiled with glee at the thought of controlling such a thing -- but his joy suddenly vanished.
“Why do I need to set patrols at all? I’ll just beat up anyone who tries to hurt the villagers. I am the Kage after all.” The Elder had a pained look on his face as he turned to Takumi’s group, which had recently entered the room. Takumi couldn’t help but feel a pinch of jealousy; a kid four years younger than himself was becoming Okakage.

The Elder tossed a scroll to Takumi’s team leader and turned back to Kuria.
“That’s what we have a military for, young Lord.”
“Yeah, but I want those guys to see how strong I am, so they’ll never doubt me.”
“I assure you, they have the utmost respect for you.” The Elder felt a sudden urge to retire. Maybe he would be able to visit the beaches of Hokorigakure or the slopes of Yukigakure in this pained life.


Takumi was pulled from his flashback by the sounds of fighting. Metal clanging, specifically. He got up, disgusted at the noise his soggy ninja boots made as he stepped across the bridge. The two combatants stood off near the base of the hill near the arena. Water whipped away at an earth wall; followed immediately by wind to cut the now soggy dirt of the wall. Smart move.

Takumi could make out either an incredibly dirty jacket, or just one from the Hidden Dust. He was holding… A steak knife. It was hard to tell, peeking from behind the tree. The other guy wore a dark blue cloak over whatever ninja gear he had equipped. They both looked like mean dudes, but something was noticeably off about their behavior and movements.

“Drop the knife!” The man in blue commanded. He held his hands in the Ram sign, preparing to unleash a jutsu if his opponent didn’t cooperate.

“FAHK YOO!” The man in the Dust Flak Jacket was either mentally disabled, or incredibly intoxicated. Takumi guessed the latter, as he was supposed to be an elite ninja accompanying the Hokorikage on this important outing.

“Y-YOU WANNA G-G-G-GO BUD?” The intoxicated man continued, weaving what Takumi assumed to be all the wrong hand signs. He assumed so, because instead of anything helpful happening, a picnic table made of stone sprang from the ground in between the shinobi.
“ARM WRESSS….. ARM WRESTLE ME R-RIGHT NOW!” Takumi was taken aback by the fact that maybe the picnic table wasn’t accidental. This surely wouldn’t work out for him, there was no way the opposing shinobi would acce-

“ALRIGHT SON, LET’S FUCKIN GO!” Takumi’s jaw dropped to the ground. What the fuck was he even watching anymore?

They sat down on opposite sides of the table, although the drunk guy did have some trouble getting into the seat. Once they were both seated, the action began. Sure enough, the chakra came out. Both of their arms were quickly enveloped in chakra’s signature blue color. As they ramped up their strength, the table beneath them began to crack.

Everything seemed balanced until the man in blue suddenly crashed through the table. Takumi guessed he hit his head on the way down and passed out, because he didn’t get back up.
“FAHK OFF, YUKEEEEEEE… YUKIGAKAKAGUKAGURE CUNT!” The guy in brown stood up, and stumbled over to Takumi.

“The naaaaaaa-” he almost lost balance and fell over. “The name’s N-Nibui, kid.” Nibui stomped on the ground and a ball of sand jumped into his hand.
“This one‘ssssssssss for you.” He dropped the ball into Takumi’s hands, it immediately lost its shape and disintegrated.
“Spend i-it wiselyyyy.” Nibui stumbled on towards the bridge, making it to the entrance, passing out and falling into the river.

Takumi shrugged and walked the other way. He wasn’t going to talk about what he just saw and conveniently didn’t look towards the picnic table rubble as he walked into the arena. It was better to pretend that it wasn’t there.

“Oh, fuck.” He remembered that the drunk guy would probably drown if he didn’t help. The fact that he almost didn’t care made him question his morals, but, like a good samaritan, he turned around and went to fish the poor guy out of the water.


Takumi, having dragged Nibui from the water, sat him up against a tree and strolled away. Wasn’t his problem. Or maybe it was -- this was the area he was supposed to patrol. He whipped out a scroll and some ink. Intoxicated man, “Nibui”, and- Takumi realized he didn’t know the other guy’s name. Luckily for him, blue-cloak began to grumble. He stood up and dusted himself off.

“Oi. What’s your name?” Takumi shouted unenthusiastically. The man stared at Takumi like a deer in headlights. He scratched his head nervously and replied.
“Uhhhh -- John Door. Of... Kaminarigakure.” Takumi didn’t buy it for a second. For starters, the guy was wearing a Yukigakure headband.

“Right.” Takumi pulled out another scroll and a coin, tossing both up into the air. He weaved four hand signs, flicked the coin into the water and opened up the second scroll. As soon as the coin hit the surface, ‘John Door of Kaminarigakure’ stood straight up, appearing almost hypnotized.

“Sign here, please.” Takumi offered the man his pen. ‘John Door of Kaminarigakure’ eagerly signed a name much longer than John Door and returned the pen to Takumi. He rolled up the scroll, put it away and snapped with his right hand. The man relaxed back to normal and looked at Takumi, puzzled.

“Uh. I’m gonna need you to evacuate this crime scene.” Takumi looked over his shoulder at Nibui, still slumped against the tree. “Take that man to a hospital.” He ordered. The man happily agreed, eager to be free of whatever ‘crime’ had taken place.

Once he was out of sight, Takumi reopened the scroll which had the man’s name.
“Hiruko Ennia Yuishi. Huh.” He closed the scroll and finished his initial report. Driven by curiosity, Takumi elected to sift through the rubble of the picnic table. For the first few minutes, nothing had been discovered. He eventually got bored, dropped the rock he held and began to walk away. The rock shattered, breaking into several smaller chunks and revealing a slip of paper that was previously inside.

“Four hundred and fourty one.” 441. Maybe it was his 441st picnic table. Takumi grinned at the thought. No -- something more serious was afoot. He put the paper in his pocket and ran to turn in his report.

[DrSuhi]

Good job with what you've made so far, funny stuff Is this going to be daily thing?

[Hiruko]

I laughed so hard as I read the John door part haha. Nice 'Merica, very nice ^^

[America]

Good job with what you've made so far, funny stuff Is this going to be daily thing?

It will most likely be daily until the first arc ends, then I'll take a break and decide whether or not to do another arc.

[takami]

oooo nicee, damn i love this, good job.
+rep 

[CaioDarT]

Well done haha i'm enjoying the Episodes