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Author Topic: Halika's Naruto Fanfic  (Read 32798 times)

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Offline halika

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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #15 on: November 04, 2013, 04:50:30 »
episode one. I guess i didnt explain it well lol. When he came home he heard her upstairs having a good time. When he got up there there was a bunch of noise and she was sitting there butt naked looking shameful. The dude snuck out of the window.

Offline Vreg

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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #16 on: November 04, 2013, 05:56:11 »
She sat there, naked with a remorseful expression being careful not to eye the open window. I already knew. But why... why would she do this to me?
That sentence makes a lot more sense now.
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Offline Indigo

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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #17 on: November 04, 2013, 16:10:05 »
Where did you mention something about cheating? And if they don't believe you, you can just tell them to check your brain with the yamanaka clan's techniques.

'A series of rustles and footsteps from the room followed my statement, but no response.
 
"Mina?" I beckoned again as I opened the door. She sat there, naked with a remorseful expression being careful not to eye the open window.'


Also can't wait for the next episode!


EDIT: Ah, sorry, didn't see there was a second page  :P

Offline halika

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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #18 on: November 04, 2013, 17:20:48 »
She sat there, naked with a remorseful expression being careful not to eye the open window. I already knew. But why... why would she do this to me?
That sentence makes a lot more sense now.
LOL!! Sorry dude ^_^;
I'm no writer. Just doing it for fun :D

Offline Vreg

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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #19 on: November 04, 2013, 18:23:45 »
She sat there, naked with a remorseful expression being careful not to eye the open window. I already knew. But why... why would she do this to me?
That sentence makes a lot more sense now.
LOL!! Sorry dude ^_^;
I'm no writer. Just doing it for fun :D
Haha no man, I just didn't get it. English is my 4th language, so I'm not that good at it... I thought "eyeing the open window" was some kind of expression xD ZetsuusteZ is a native Englishman who did get it, so it's not your writing. You write quite well actually, I wouldn't suspect that being your first story. Maybe all native English speakers can write that well, you tell me.
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Offline halika

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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #20 on: January 14, 2014, 02:50:34 »
should i pick this story back up?

Offline halika

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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #21 on: January 14, 2014, 02:54:09 »
Haha no man, I just didn't get it. English is my 4th language, so I'm not that good at it... I thought "eyeing the open window" was some kind of expression xD ZetsuusteZ is a native Englishman who did get it, so it's not your writing. You write quite well actually, I wouldn't suspect that being your first story. Maybe all native English speakers can write that well, you tell me.
Outside of writing in class for assignments this is my first story lol. And I dont read fanfic's either, lol. So I wasnt entirely sure I was doing it right, haha. but if you guys like it I'd keep it going.

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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #22 on: January 14, 2014, 03:07:20 »
Yeah sure, it's good entertainment.
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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #23 on: January 14, 2014, 10:34:43 »
should i pick this story back up?
Yeah I'd be cool ;)
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Offline mariusx2014

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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #24 on: May 01, 2014, 10:57:02 »
episode 4?
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Offline Utunama

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Re: Halika's Naruto Fanfic
« Reply #25 on: July 23, 2014, 15:44:57 »
Can't wait for episode 4.As Vreg said, it's good entertainment.
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