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Author Topic: A New Fanfic- Need Reviews  (Read 16056 times)

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Offline Kai

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Re: A New Fanfic- Need Reviews
« Reply #15 on: January 03, 2015, 18:59:16 »
^^ Great chapters, keep on going!

Offline json243

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Re: A New Fanfic- Need Reviews
« Reply #16 on: January 03, 2015, 19:04:35 »
Thanks :)
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Offline Itzal

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Re: A New Fanfic- Need Reviews
« Reply #17 on: January 03, 2015, 19:06:55 »
Nice keep up the good work. ;)

Offline Reminance

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Re: A New Fanfic- Need Reviews
« Reply #18 on: January 03, 2015, 19:25:56 »
I enjoyed reading the chapters, Make more :D
Got nothing to complain.
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Offline json243

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Re: A New Fanfic- Need Reviews
« Reply #19 on: January 03, 2015, 21:13:29 »
Heres chapter 5- hope you enjoy
Katakuchi

“Aww shit Karo’s body didn’t give us much money.” Nagare complained as he was counting the money.

“I know how to cheer us up. How about some dango?” Hachemon asked while staring hungrily at the upcoming dango stand.

“Why not?”

They went up to the stand and bought four sticks of green tea dango. As they were eating, Hachemon asked, “How many more people are in the organization?”

“Right now we have four Sanda-ha and six more members.” He replied while sticking a dumpling in his mouth.

“So where are they?”

“You’ll see in a couple of hours.” They walked on while munching on their dango in silence. They eventually make it to the side of a mountain.

“We’re here!” exclaimed Nagare, staring at the mountain.

“Your live in a giant rock?” Hachemomn asks, sweat dropping at the same time.

“No. You’ll see in a sec.” He walks up to the rock, placing both hands on the rock. When he puts his hands on the rock, seals appear, unraveling. Once the seals unravel, the rock moves, showing an opening.

“Welcome to the Nami No Kishi secret hideout!” Nagare exclaims, walking in. “I’m baaack!”

“Man this dude is weird.” Hachemon thinks with a slight smile across his face. He starts to walk in. Suddenly, he senses a movement behind him.

“HIYAA.” Someone screams behind him. Hachemon turns around to see a foot flying at his face.

“Shit!” Hachemon thinks as he turns around grabbing the foot out of the air and twisting the person around his body, delivering a punch to his chest. The man skids back a couple of feet, and then looks up with a smile.

“Good to see the new kid has good reflexes.”

“Who are you?” Hachemon asks while in a defensive stance.

“My name is Takashi Shuya!” he exclaims with a smile on his face, “and im a fellow Sanda-ha.”

“Whyd did you attack me?”

“Just making sure you aren’t a bust.”

“Ok. Where’s the fourth Sanda-ha then?”

“He’s on a mission to kill some rogue shinobi in the Hidden Hill.” He replies. “He should be home soon.”

“Ok.” They sat there for a while, discussing the shinobi world and techniques. Hachemon looks around the room, looking at all of the things in their hideout. They had four long couches, a group of bunk beds in the corner, a bathroos with a couple of sinks, toilets, and showers, and poker tables with cards. “This is cool.” Hachemon thinks while dreaming of all of the money he could take from these guys in poker. He had a dirty poker face.

“Alright boys.” Nagare says. “We’re going on a mission.

“Where?” Hachemon replies, a questioning look on his face.

“The Hidden Volcano. There’s a group of grave robbers we have to take out. Lets go.”

They all get up and start heading towards the exit. Suddenly, the rock is blown to pieces, followed by two fireballs. They jump out of the way, yelling “Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu!”

Three water dragons smash into the fireballs, causing a great cloud of steam. When the seam clears, showing six people, all of them with cloaks on. Two of the cloaks have symbols on, the symbol for greed and the symbol for wrath.

“Shit! It’s Katakuchi!” Yells Nagare. “We’re badly outnumbered.”

Nagare turns around and grabs a scroll. He quickly writes on it, and then attaches it to a messenger bird that quickly flies off. He then turns his attention to the Katakuchi members.

“Nami No Kishi!” yells Wrath. “Our mission is to destroy you! Prepare to die!” he yells as they rush at the Nami No Kishi members.




  • Character Name: Hachemon Akagi (Kano)



Offline Shintrixx

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Re: A New Fanfic- Need Reviews
« Reply #20 on: January 03, 2015, 21:54:22 »
I'm looking forward to see more of your history :)
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Offline Reminance

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Re: A New Fanfic- Need Reviews
« Reply #21 on: January 04, 2015, 01:52:23 »
MORE CHAPTERS XD
I like the story im being sucked in there when i read it.
People talk to me and call my name like 10 times but i dont react, Because i am to busy enjoying reading for once.
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Offline CaptainSpoon

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Re: A New Fanfic- Need Reviews
« Reply #22 on: January 04, 2015, 02:12:45 »
Shit's gonna get down next chapter. I bet remi here will come last moment and beat them pricks up, or we all end up dead.
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Offline json243

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Re: A New Fanfic- Need Reviews
« Reply #23 on: January 04, 2015, 05:50:59 »
Lol you guys will see later
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